Sunday, 12 February 2012


Well after a year or so this blog is dust.  After an improving start to this month, it is things less than my poker performance that have given me enough ammunition to just say "BOLLOX".

Firstly TAPP got buried this week, when I was threatened with prosecution for something I did in the pursuit of humour (which some people are obviously lacking)
I cannot go into detail about what I did or who too (but it did make me piss myself laughing) otherwise I will get my collar felt by the law.
(If you had replied to my original polite request I would not have hounded you).

Secondly, I got mugged off staking someone again this month.  Now while it was only for a small amount, I am losing faith in human trust and will now try to shut myself away from the big outdoors when I can, including this blog.

I need to get my head down, keep my game intact whilst working to improve and catch up to those elite players in my field like abarone68 and simplicity8.  Maybe I need to get an 8 in my name.

A round of applause and a big thank you to all my readers since this began.  It has helped keep my head in the game at times and I have enjoyed the journey which will continue.  But for now at least I will try to get it done quietly.

Good luck at the tables

Saturday, 4 February 2012


Well, the year could not have started off worse really.  When it really matters and I need to make some $$$ I hit my first losing month since records began over a year ago, Meh.  (By the way I still have not figured out what "Meh" actually means but the internet kids use it a lot and i'm trying to keep it street so Meh).

These were my targets -

1500 games- Any SNG type.

12 hours study -Mainly in HEM but also finish Moshman HU book.

Blog each weekend - This is enjoyable and helps me focus from week to week.

15 Fitness sessions - I would like to think I have gained a few pounds over Christmas but if truth be known, the last nine months have contributed to me being at my heaviest weight ever and at the age of 37, if I don’t get it gone now, it will probably be here forever. As I am struggling to reach round to wipe my own arse, I had to add it.

Profit target $1500. - I don’t usually aim for cash targets but as this money will now be feeding my family, I have included it as a necessity.

And my results were -

1100 games.  400 short and 600VPP short of Platinum, basically due to a couple of sick days I had in the last couple days of January.  You dont get paid for being sick in this job.

Easily completed 12 hours+ of study while I was tutoring and alone.  Got about 12 pages of the Moshman book read though Meh.

Blogged each weekend but I think one was late

Fitness sessions 0 - However on a side note I did eat less, loss about 7lbs and can now comfortably wipe my own arse without having to do a girlie under wipe.

Profit $0  Actually -$136

I am pretty disgusted with myself really and another month like that and there is no doubt I will be full-time back at work before the summer.  Looking over my results, IF I had stuck to my games (9 and 18man) I would have been in profit albeit only slightly but the 45's and 180's (which I have never played before) absolutely killed me.

So a re-focus required for February which has already seen me start to lose and add in HU games.  Now I am semi-pro I just think I can win wherever I sit down and I need to shake this quick.  With only 29 days in Feb and Stars being down for a day already I will be missing number targets again, unless I can hit some rungood and playgood and start to 10 or 12 table.

Anyways to the serious stuff TAPP.

These are the feelers I have put out in the last week or two.

Vanessa Selbst-

You study law and hate the police how does that work?

i like justice and seeing the law upheld, and the police rarely follow the law? what's hard to understand?

Police don't uphold the law? What is your experience with them that makes you say that? Contradictory I think.

So @VanessaSelbst gets on the leaderboard for the reply for 5pts BUT, she is deducted a point for just being stupid and living such an imbalanced life.
If anybody can be bothered to read the bullshit links she attached feel free but I didnt think it warranted my time.

1st place




Daniel Negreanu

Minus 50pts


Minus 50pts

Doyle Brunson

Minus 50pts

Mike Matusow-
I just finished reading your autobiography V good read, just wondered if u could score me some blow when I am next in town.

Sorry I should have spoke in code. Can you bring your mate Charlie up to my room, one Henry should do it n I'll drop u a 2.

No reply from the Mouth, maybe he was in the middle of a transaction.

I think is an ignorant jackass, seems to ignore anyone but his friend and hates the English too I guess

I predict that will have to suck his backer off again and swallow his load before he gets his BR reload

sucks AT poker and sucks TO PLAY poker. A good cover for Gay Monthly magazine I reckon

A friend of mine @stowjonpoker tried to help me out with JRB, but nothing could get a rise out of him just like his BR never rises either I guess.

Why all the hating of FTP peeps. What have they done to you? Small misunderstanding.

This geezer is a mute to most of his fans in twitterland.

Phil Hellmuth-
Did you tell him if he runs into some bad luck he should cus some1 out and curl up into a ball and everything will be ok.

This one was in reply to Phil having a "This is what life is all about" chat with his boy. 

Going hell for leather with TAPP this week, if I can find a way to migrate from twitter and contact them via other means I may try that - e-mail, phone.  Any ideas let me know.
Sorry no pics this week due to being in anger mode over my poor month.  When I cheer up a bit i'll add some nice pics for you.

Good luck everybody

Sunday, 29 January 2012

The comeback..

This week has seen a slight upturn in fortunes and I will give you the full update of January next time when its over.  What I will say is that, I was sick for 2 days and only played 22 games in that time which has crippled my ambitions of obtaining and maintaining Platinum status and reaching Supernova.  I cracked in a 100 game session yesterday and i'll need the same sort of effort in the next two days to be where I want to be.

I have some nuggets of wisdom to share with you right now,

Please take as many as you need

My new mantra -
"Good things happen to those, still in the tournament".  Speaks for itself really but by taking too many risks will lessen the amount of oppotunities to arise in the future of that specific tournament.  So next time you are in a tough spot and having to put your "Best Guess" on it remember and take into account
"Good things happen to those, still in the tournament". 

With my downturn in fortunes, I set about trying to figure out what was going wrong and was astonished at what was costing me valuable ROI. I had been adding 45 and 180mans into my sets as a way of filling up my table space quicker and maybe hitting a bigger score.  When I analysed my results individually it was plain to see.  My shocking results in my regular 9 ad 18 man games were not as horrendous as I thought.  Yes they were not good by any means but the odd 45 and 80 man here and there had absolutely killed me, completely destroying any profits I had made.  I know my 45 and 180 man game is not good but until I saw it in a big green graph on HEM I had no idea that the odd one in each set could hurt me so bad.

Along the same theme, this SNG lark is a real tightrope.  If you take your eyes of the prize and play sub-optimally for any period of time then it can really hurt your ROI in so many ways.  One of these spots is when you get shortstacked and give up.  I see it time and time again from weaker opponents and indeed I have strengthened my strategy around trying to scoop up these free chips.  Needless to say YOU should never give up, no matter how low you are stacked and if you need some inspiration to take my words as gospel, take a look at this 18man turbo SNG I played a couple of days ago.

You can see here, I have suffered one of my many latest beats very early on and I am left with 20 chips, 15 of which I have put into the pot for the SB.

Fast forward 50 minutes later

And i'm taking it down.

Chucking in the towel early will decrease you ROI just as much as any other sub-optimal play.  Never give up.

I am having trouble with my internet connection right now so Twitter is struggling and TAPP will have to wait for a full update.

However I can inform you a new entry at Number 2 is Vanessa Selbst.  She replied to my approach and while I probably got her a little rattled she did not over react and as such she earned the same points as the Devilfish.  However I had to deduct 1 point as she is an idiot and her whole life seems to be a hypocritical mess.  Details will follow next week.

Good luck at the tables my friends.

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Come on Dealer...

I never like to give you continual badbeat stories but I have never been closer to doing that than now.  The dealer is killing me on virtually every river.  My brutally honest tale of my "Journey to becoming a Poker Pro" is almost laughable when you take a look at my monthly graph.
It has never got going but to be fair if I wrote this yesterday before a nightmarish 40 game session which I cut short and lost almost $400, I would be saying "I am off target but bubbling along OK".  Now I am worried I may be returning to the normal job full-time WAY before I had planned which was never.  I have not had a losing month since HEM started tracking me 6 months ago and I am determined to keep that going.
It has been the 9mans that have been letting me down and I am now playing solely 18man Turbos so fingers crossed.
Luckily my preparation for my part-time blast was good enough that I still have reserves which will hopefully see me through the bad patch and i'll come out the other side with a smile on my face.
The -$400 was probably due to the fact that a few minutes prior to playing I booked a family holiday which has thus far cost  me £4600 and will probably be double that by the time it is over.
I am on target for 1300ish games which will put me on course for SuperNova and at the end of the month my bonus money which I have not released for a while will be upto over $800.
Enough said about that crap and onto TAPP - We have our first positive point scorer and a new leader.
The approaches consisited of these,
To Negreanu
Hey would you consider having sex with for $1Million.

Your (son) dog looks like an elephant turd.
It truly does, an elephant turd with ears.

To Doyle
With the EPL giving u a 2 year card and then a lifetime membership I got to wonder if 1 would be more beneficial than the other!

Hey Do you think you could win if your life depended on it? I would not make that bet if I were you

You on Tv? just make sure your hot chick friends get on and the ratings will be thru the roof. Oh and try 2win every so often

All came back with zero responses so I opened the floor to other Pros in case any of them were decent enough to respond to their fans or me being a pain in the arse.

To Devilfish who had posted this
s a mate of mine and he might well be funnier then me i would nt no i cant understand him .we just try n keep u amused.
I replied with,
I can't understand either of you but just makes you funnier. If I'm not laughing wiv u it's at u, so good work.

And a big point earner for a true British Poker Legend who replied

avnt been on any leader board for quite a while wot is the TAPP the argumentative pissed up prat

Followed by intrigue of TAPP and where it can be found the DevilFish truly showed his class whilst interacting with his fans (before I started abusing him) by direct messaging me asking directions to this blog, so welcome Mr Devilfish it is an honour to have you on board.

And so the leaderboard coming to the end of the 1st month of 2012 looks like this

1st place
Daniel Negreanu
Minus 50pts
Minus 50pts
Doyle Brunson
Minus 50pts
No Pro is off limits this week.

So with that, I need to go get some study done so I can play with some confidence tonight.
I have done some coaching this week with two new students so that will bring in some more $$$ but if the graph keeps moving in that direction that will be that on the coaching front too.

Good Times.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

When you dont like the present.....

Live in the past !!!

Not been the best week but nothing too notible, good or bad.  Im on target for games for the month but not much profit to speak of unfortunately.  With that in mind and trying to ignore the terrible run of cards i'm getting and desperately not trying to regale another boring load of bad beat stories (too many too mention by the way) I got to thinking of times gone by.

I have just finished a book by Paul McGuire called "Lost Vegas"  The author basically details his exploits of his past as a full time poker reporter on the poker circuit, focusing mainly on the WSOP as well as other encounters along the way.  A good read if you are into that sort of thing and once i'd finished I began to think of some of the great experiences i've had in Vegas.

I was in Vegas for the 1st time for my 20th Birthday with fake ID in 1994 and since then have been to Vegas every year, sometimes upto 5 times a year depending on what else was going on in my life.  The last couple of years has only been one trip due to the newborn.

I remember --

Racking up charges at the Sahara on the in-room phone by mistake and having to spin my way out of trouble on the roulette wheel.
Being propositioned by a midget prostitute at 6am outside O'Sheas.
Sitting on somebody for almost an hour on a Virgin Flight into Vegas as he threatened to set himself on fire.
Losing 000's of $$$.
Spending 3 days in bed at the Imperial Palace, so sick I thought I was going to die.
Horseback riding in the mountains like John Wayne with my mother who almost never came back alive. (Wow that was so funny.  Looking back now I can laugh but I really thought she was a gonna)

I dont remember seeing the Grand Canyon.  In over 35 trips, I have never seen it.  I am not sure if that is sad or not.

And probably the most memorable (Tho not a highlight) I call,

I was on a trip for two weeks in Vegas, around 2004 It think.  My Birthday was right in the middle and I was with non-poker playing friends for the first week, then they were going home and I would stay on and play some tournaments for the second week.
Needless to say after the first week I had played the table games with friends and got myself in a hole which I needed to dig myself out of during the second week.

My friends had two days left the day before my Birthday and they were encouraging a good night out.  Ever the professional, I declined as I had pencilled in some tournaments the following day.  Needless to say we were playing a cash game in the MGM as midnight was approaching and they convinced me that we should have a quick drink at least and suggested a bar toward the back of the MGM, TAO I believe it was called.  I agreed and headed over there with my friends promising to finish their table in the next 20 mnutes and meet me there.

I entered TAO alone, a smallish hip place with low tables and sofas around the perimeter and a couple of small dancefloors set amongst them.  I bought a bottle of Budweiser and scanned for some ladies.  Instead some guy introduced himself to me and began trying to sell me some real estate.  I declined hoping I did not look gay enough to be chatted up in my new shirt I had bought the day before.

I moved off towards the dancefloor and watched some guys doing Hip Hop who were pretty good to be fair, so when they moved away I decided to chuck a few shapes of my own, I must of looked awesome i'm sure although I dont remember.
My next memory is of my friend and his wife finding me half naked outside my room in the Excalibur with a black tarry substance over my naked torso.  It was 5am and they were delivering my Birthday card before they headed off to the Canyon.  Apparently I was mumbling something about "Picklepockles" or something.
Anyway, I slept for 24 hours straight missing my entire Birthday.  When I did wake up early the next day, I knew immediately what had happened.  All my belongings had been stolen.  My wallet with a few hundred $$$, my ring and my disposable camera.  I was most upset about my camera as we were having a competition who could get pictured with the hottest girls on these little disposable camera and I must have been winning after a shot a few days earlier with a young German chick sat around the pool.

I had met the same fate as the Hangover Boys and felt like crap.   Although I had not lost any teeth and I was not being chased around town by Mike Tyson.

Damn Roofies.  It took another 48 hours for the physical effects to wear off.  I reported it to the local cops but they were not interested.  They thought I had been stung by a hooker and showed no interest at all.  I told them how it went down and knew how easy it would be to trace these offenders with all the eyes in the sky but I guess they see this all too often.

I spent the second week of my trip walking around hoping a face would jog my memory so I could kick the shit out of someone but it did not happen and I ended up flying home early with the hump.
I got home to a credit card bill of $800 or so which the punks had managed to run up in a 7Eleven store.  I guess they had a friend working there and bought a load of painkillers which they then sold on as other harder drugs.

Apart from the camera, I also had a seat in the front row of a Maroon5 concert at the MGM which I missed due to flying home early.  In truth it knocked my confidence a bit, I was alone the second week and I was a little unnerved which continued after I got home.  Suffice to say it was soon all forgotten as I flew back to Vegas at the end of that year to get some of my money back that Vegas owed me.

Anyways, along with my slow week in poker it has also been a slow start to  TAPP.

I put out these feelers during the week

To Negreanu
Any chance of having my $5 back, my kids are a bit hungry right now.

: If you are at PCA at 11am. I'm doing a Q & A, ask me ANYTHING you want. Literally nothing is off limits!”                                                Where's my $5?

: Virtually every reply included "beautiful women and partying." Literally the only pro provided lol.                                                                        New you were gay.

I think you won't win much this year. Even will win more than u this year. I think u may have lost it. Sorry

To Doyle
I would like to race you around the Rio. You on scooter me in a sumo suit. Raise some $$ for starving kids. What do u think?

Are u playing in WSOP this year. Also have u ever thought about writing a poker strategy book, reckon I could learn stuff from u.

Could your backer not have got you in the cockpit or on Airforce One to make you more comfy.

You suck so bad, if you need some coaching come see me.

What time is it over there is Oz? Did u lose any of your BR while you were asleep. You seem to lose it whatever you do.

Do you have to do sexual favours for your Backer? all i can think of.

Sadly I have to report, NO REACTION from these guys.  I guess they will earn some minus points but I will be stepping it up in the next couple of weeks and nobody will be off the radar from now on.  If I see an opportunity to TAPP, I'll grab it and take a pop. 

Sunday, 8 January 2012

Off and walking

I will now be feeding the family with some of my poker roll as I am now fully part time working which means 3 days working then 6 off.  Some calender weeks I'll be working 1 day others I'll be working 3.  The first week of January was a work 3 of them week so I am quite happy with the volume of games I have got in as hopefully this will be somewhere near the lower end.

272 games is the most positive I can be, while 5% ROI is not to be sniffed at, I am aiming a little higher and when you break it down into sessions you can see it was just one massive shocker that let me down.

Anyhow, I got to thinking that a continuous blog of "Oh, look at this graph" and "wow, look how good/bad I am" will get pretty boring pretty quickly for you reading and for me writing.  So this week I am introducing the new segment -- Drum roll please --


TAPP - (Also known as Tilt A Poker Pro)

Over the last year and my various ramblings, I have picked up Kathy Leibert as a follower on twitter, passed freaky e-mails backward and forward with Ashley Hames, conversed on the WWW with the likes of abarone68 and had a skype session with Collin MOSHMAN himself.  However when I sent pictures away to get signed for my boys Birthday to Negreanu and Esfandiari, I got nothing back.  In fact Antonio sent back my return postage money of £5 while I can only presume Daniel will be using my $5 to enter the $Million event is OZ.  So I got to thinking who else could I get to know or even PISS OFF maybe if I really put some effort in.  Thus TAPP was born.

I will be targetting some of the biggest names in poker to see if I get ignored, laughed at, ridiculed or abused and I'll keep scores for each one.  The point system will go as follows.

1 Point - If I get a retweet
5 Points - If I get a nice reply to whatever I say/send anywhere (twitter, e-mail etc)
10 Points - If I get offered to meet up for a drink.
-10 Points  - If I get blasted with swear words and abused
-25 Points - If they threaten physical violence or to call the police on me.
-50 Points - If I get ignored repeatedly

I will keep a league table and see who is the 2012 TAPP winner of the year.

1st Pros entering the game will be
Doyle Brunson @TexDolly,

Daniel Negreanu @RealKidPoker

and Jean-Robert Bellande @BrokeLivingJRB.
They all look like they will be easy to piss off, apart from JRB here.
I understand some may have busy periods in the next few months, but I have all year so we will see what happens. 
Mostly I will be using twitter so if you want to follow you can catch me on @DoubleAgent22, if not I will update TAPP every so often on this blog.

For now, thats it.  I have 6 days off to win some $$$ before returning to work.

Saturday, 31 December 2011

2012 Here we come.

So as we end 2011, I have already set some of my plans for 2012.  I will indeed be working part-time now and will be dependant on poker as an income to feed my family.

I am excited and scared but largely optimistic.  Ultimately, I am confident my game has improved hugely in 2011, thanks to my coach who I worked with for 4 months and the hours I put into studying.  I hope it is enough to get to where I want to be in 2012 and that I can continue to improve so I can exceed my own expectations.

While 2011 was a good year in most ways, I am still disappointed I did not get to the WSOP this year and tho MTT are low on my agenda right now, I am hoping SNG profits will help me expand into some big live tournaments in the years too come.

So my goals,


1500 games- Any SNG type.

12 hours study -Mainly in HEM but also finish Moshman HU book.

Blog each weekend - This is enjoyable and helps me focus from week to week.

15 Fitness sessions - I would like to think I have gained a few pounds over Christmas but if truth be known, the last nine months have contributed to me being at my heaviest weight ever and at the age of 37, if I don’t get it gone now, it will probably be here forever. As I am struggling to reach round to wipe my own arse, I had to add it.

Profit target $1500. - I don’t usually aim for cash targets but as this money will now be feeding my family, I have included it as a necessity.

2012 Goals
Reach Supernova on Stars.

Profit target $20,000

To be on at least 1 Sharkscope Leaderboard throughout the year.

For the first year as a semi-pro, I am aiming low and hoping to smash these targets in order for me to calculate more worthy targets to reach in 2013.

2012 Bucket List
Have a poker related article published in a magazine.

I wish you all a Happy New Year, good luck at all your tables apart from the ones i'm sat at.  Enjoy the celebrations.